Rough Draft Essay Two/edit

Crystal Ainardi
Bleck
Eng 101
July 15, 2008

The Tricks and our Psychology

It is almost November and in America its Election time. This year we will be voting in a new president, and finally we are narrowed down to two candidates, Barrack Obama, and John McCain. In Chapter three and four of Un-Spun: Finding Facts in a World of Disinformation, authors Brooks Jackson& Kathleen Hall Jamieson talk about how and why people let themselves get spun off in things such as the TV advertisements for elections and how many may find themselves voting for the wrong candidate based off myths without checking further into the facts. One so called political ad that has been airing lately is John McCain's "Love" ad which gives us the impression of a "war hero" this of course has a huge impact on the “cultural baggage” (Thorson) American’s carry with the term war hero. McCain's "Love" ad plays into several terms from the book Un-Spun such as the term, "eye candy" (51).As Jackson and Jamison wrote “A picture can indeed be worth a thousand words-but those words aren’t necessarily true” (55). Slowly we forget all about what's really being said in the ad, and a lot of the times we end up being deceived by our own mind.

The ad starts out showing the “Summer of Love”, hippies kissing, dancing, and playing sixties psychedelic music. Most certainly catching the eyes of an older generation “a time of uncertainty, hope and change” and tells of another type of love. The TV ad then moves to a blue tone to emphasize the sadness of a lost solider. It shows a young John McCain who was held and tortured, all the while the scenes of war flash before the screen. Slowly it moves to him returning home it flashes to a sepia tone him as a politician and the music slowly changes to a patriotic tone. It’s the kind of ad the immediately draws an emotion from all. The war hero comes to our mind. It is in fact a myth that many Americans fall into. Because he is a war hero, many feel he would make a great president; he makes us “feel proud and safe” (Thorson).

Being a Veteran is not a necessary feature to be a president. Yet, many are insisting that it is, such as a site “Vets for Freedom” (Hegseth)who wrote a angry letter to General Wesley Clark after his comments made about McCain’s campaign trying to glamorize the war hero. The truth is thirty-one presidents have served in the arm forces. This is a lot, but still it brings us to “The psychology of deception” (69), we get the facts wrong and we embrace the ideas that support our built in belief’s and renounce the evidence that challenges .According to Jackson and Jamieson authors of un-spun, “Psychology also tells us that we rarely work through reasons and evidence in a systematic way, weighing information carefully and suspending the impulse to draw conclusions. Instead, much of the time we use mental short cuts or rules of thumb that save us mental effort” (70). Sometimes these habits work well, but they can also lead us to buy into ads like this. Enforcing the war hero that John McCain is, and forgetting all of his other resume details, and possibly voting for the wrong person without weighing out the real facts. Therefore we think, he should be president because obviously he can protect us, and love us best like a father, and our friend.

John McCain’s ad “Love” appeals to several groups. It’s obvious by the beginning of the ad he is playing up to an older generation that feel they can relate because they were there. McCain’s ad also targets women; women tend to vote for people who give them a sense of fatherhood, and being safe. But can he really relate to this new war and really relate to the American people? We get swept up in the TV ad of “Love” and forget that was a war that ended over thirty years ago.

John McCain’s “Love” ad shows him as an ordinary young man going in to fight a war because he loved his country so much and refused to leave when given the chance, because he swore an oath. The ad shows many images that tug at the heart of those currently who have family fighting in the newest war at hand. It shows a young McCain lying in a bed somewhere in a far away place in the sixties only wearing his military garb. Once a young man is released, he is now an older mature grey haired man that walks with a limp from the years of being held captive. Obviously McCain is trying to relate he can feel the pain of the Americans, and their families who are scarifying for this current war. The “eye candy” effect takes over and we get carried away with the images of a young man, who grew up to be a politician the “maverick” who will protect us because he was a war hero who fights against other politicians, according to the ad. It shows him in more recent years shaking hands of people of great importance. Such as Ronald Regan when he was in office, McCain by then had changed out his military garb and is wearing nice suits. We see him walking around in important offices and always surrounded with American flags, ready to take on anything that could harm us. As the ad said “it is a dangerous world we live in” and the maverick will take it on. We become impacted by the “eye candy” images and forget to listen to the “fine print” (55).

The “Love” ads speaker has a soft gentle voice that is mostly muffled over by powering images of war, and a father figure politician. If one pays attention the voice goes on telling us in the ad how “John McCain doesn’t always tell us what we hope to hear.”, and “beautiful words can not make our life better”, as well “Don’t hope for a better life vote for one”. The comments are obviously directed at Obama whose big words in the campaign are “hope” and “change”. This is a mild attack compared to other ad’s John McCain has out. Yet, you get a taste of the “eye candy” in this ad, you feel as though this man can truly protect American and go against the grain and really mean what he says. Not just fill us up with pretty words, he means change. But John McCain’s ad just managed to pull off what he accused Obama of doing, he swept us all up in a fantasy world.

Code words are heard over and over in the “Love” ad. The voice over the ad repeats several times throughout, that John McCain has a “love of his country”, he puts “America First before party”, his “Country comes before politics and self”. This makes John McCain sound really moral and rather patriotic. Yet, is he implying that the other candidate running Barrack Obama does not hold these qualities? Because according to John McCain's “Love” ad he implies Obama only speaks empty words of hope and change for the country, while McCain can provide substance since he is a war hero.

In the ad “Love”, the “eye candy” and our own mind deceives us. The politicians know the trick of “eye candy” how the images can speak louder than any words spoken, and in the “Love” ad we see images of war and the rise to politics from an ordinary man, who is here to save us. We forget the negative and the awful side effects of possibly voting for the wrong person, because he can relate according to this ad. What’s more is he plays into a part of American life today, the war hero. Many American families have members serving in the current war and the ad implies into our physiological deception that he is like our son, sister, father, mother ect. Anything else served to us is false because we carry a wound with the term war, and John McCain knows it is our soft spot and plays into it with the ad “Love”.

Work Cited:

Jackson Brooks, Kathleen Hall Jamieson. Un-Spun: Finding Facts in a World of Disinformation. New York: Random House, Inc. 2007.

Hegseth, Pete. Chairman, Vets for Freedom, “Letter to Wesley Clark”, July 16, 2008
http://www.vetsforfreedom.org/presscenter/blogitem.aspx?id=451

McCain, John. “Love” TV ad July 16, 2008 http://www.johnmccain.com/

Thorson, Esther. Graduate Dean of Journalism, “The Savvy Voter” http://www.pbs.org/elections/savvydissect.html © 1995 - 2005 PBS

to crystal

Crystal,

So far, the introduction works well but needs a thesis to make a clear claim about the video, a claim that makes it clear why it is of interest or importance that the ad does what it does. Why does it matter that this video might deceive us? What might that be of interest or importance? Make that clear and there will be a clear context in which to explain why each of the points to be discussed is relevant.

In looking at the first point, I'm not sure what is being addressed. Initially it seems to be depicted actions of the video, and that seems to work for the whole of the paragraph. But I can also see editing (from the various tones used). To make it clear to your reader, provide a topic statement that says something like "The actions depicted in the video . . ." or "The use of editing in the video . . ." or whatever the point is about. Make it clear to your reader right away. Maybe it's that these depicted actions are used to develop the candidate mythology. If so, this is fine, but then the notion of a candidate mythology is something that probably belongs as part of the thesis and is something also that would need to be tied to each of the essay's body paragraphs as a unifying point. If the overall focus is that eye candy is being used to create this impression, then that has to be part of the discussion for each paragraph.

Generally speaking, the main thing to focus on as you get this ready for resubmission is paragraph development. Provide a clear topic statement: the use of savvy voter criteria X is prevalent in the video. Explain why X matters in the big picture. Provide at least one example of X from the video, as descriptively as possible and then explain how X fits with the thesis. It's a rather systematic, and maybe even simplistic approach, but if the paragraph contains each of the elements, it's not likely to go wrong.

While it does the essay no harm, I'm not sure it adds that much either. Clearly I'm ambivalent, but I'd say the outside material can be cut in favor of more material from the video, more description, more analysis on your part, more of what you think. Also, in a works cited for an essay of this sort, you'd want to include the video.

Bradley

Bradley- I did include the

Bradley- I did include the video as cited work.

Thanks for the suggestions and feedback. I made some big changes already in the essay so hopefully it will flow a bit better when you get it.

Thanks.

you're right

I'm not sure how I missed that, but I clearly did. Bradley

I think you did a great job.

I think you did a great job. I to watched that ad, and I didn't get anything from it, however, after I read your essay all those things are coming into focus and I can see the deception in that ad.McCain makes himself look like this person who is all about love for his country.

Intro: Good job, the first

Intro: Good job, the first paragraph gives a clear idea of what will be written about.
Thesis/Main Point: It's ok, but seems a bit vague for some reason. Tell why our minds deceiving us could get in trouble-possibly;(voting for someone based on lies)
Conclusion: Good job, your last sentence was the best part of the paragraph. So true too-readers will relate to that. But I think you could dink around w/ the rest of the conclusion, make it flow a bit better, but it's still good.
Devel. of Ideas: Everything corresponds well w/ the thesis, your relating Americans "war baggage" w/ the ad works, but maybe a different word for baggage(?)For some reason it seems too negative. Maybe not.
Organization: I think it looks good, through out the summary you explained everything well, though it seems like your paragraphs don't flow as nicely as they could, (from one paragraph to another) Maybe it's just me.
Word structure: In the 3rd parag.("This is a lot, but still it brings on “The psychology...") The "but still it brings on" sounds funny. How about (and it brings on)
C.o.s.a.e:
Response to ass: Good job on tieing in Un-spun and Savvy voter w/ your essay. Your examples of the American flag etc being eye candy give the reader a clear picture of what you're talking about.
Approp. topic: Yep, the war analogy made this essay because everyone can relate to that, young or old.

In your opening paragraph I

In your opening paragraph I think that your thesis statement needs to draw us in better. Why should we be concerned? What might this mean to us? etc. You've covered a lot of information in your essay. In your third paragraph, the sentence starting with Many are so insist. . . did you mean to say insistant? I think that you have a good start to our 2nd essay.

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