Essay #2
Our society is coming upon one of the most important presidential elections in history. As voters it is our responsibility to check and double check the candidates that we have to choose from. Brooks Jackson and Kathleen Hall Jamieson give us tips to use to help dissect the candidates messages and videos used to get our attention and sway our decision. Chapter three gives us the "eye candy" effect. Senator Barack Obama and his video "One Voice" posted to Youtube use this to pull at your heart and that elusive feeling that everyone on earth is seeking.
Senator Obama's video "One Voice" uses a simple message entwined with images of rallies he has held across the country. This video conveys the message that we are not a society filled with different categories but we are the "United Sates of America". The video starts with a speech and continues with the audio of that speech overlapping the videos from some of his many rallies. His tactics used include music, the appeal, and good film editing and camera use.
Music can be just as or sometimes more effective than the spoken word. A piece of music, such as the one used in Obama's video, can often be found in a war movie when the troops come home to their families. In a movie setting it is supposed to help you feel what the characters are feeling. Obama's appeal in the video "We are not a liberal America and a conservative America, we are the United States of America" combined with the music pull you into the message and cause you to think that he really thinks we are all equal to one another. For those who don't find that in their lives, those people are the most vulnerable to this combination.
The film editing and camera use are used to make a maximum impact on how you view him. By using some of his campaign rallies as a backdrop, Obama helps enforce his message of "one people". From the air you see the rallies and can imagine the world where the people do that with no fighting. People become his backdrop. We become his props. We listen to his appeal and we follow him because he makes us feel like we all want to. He gives us a place to belong if only in our minds eye.
Today's society is fast approaching one of the most altering changes in political history. The elections for our new president have both sides of the fence in an uproar. People must choose a side. We must demand more form these candidates than any of the past. We can't afford to follow someone because they give us the hope that we all want.
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to samantha
Samantha,
With the introduction, don't forget to give us the title of Jackson and Jamieson's book. It's also important to provide more about eye candy in order to set up the analysis of the video.
With the first point, I'm not sure what savvy voter element is being addressed. It could be the overall appeal or argument of the video. or the depicted actions, but I'm just not sure. This is why topic statements are a good way to make it clear to your reader just what is going to be looked at in each paragraph.
The second body paragraph does a better job of making it clear what will be looked at, music. You might open that paragraph with something such as "One of the many elements of a video that needs to be paid attention to is the music used." Then when you explain how it can be effective, there's some context for that. The flow is better. What is needed though, is as objective as possible description of the music. If you know the name of the tune, provide that. If you can identify how various instruments are used, describe them. Make use of some of the music terms I provided as part of the assignment to deal with crescendo (building to loud) or whatever is happening with the music. The more description of the music and what's happening with it, the more it is tied to the other elements of the video, the more weight the paragraph can carry in the essay's argument.
The third point is also in need of development in this way: provide a topic statement, explain why the topic matters in relation to the thesis, provide some examples illustrating how the topic is working in the video and conclude the paragraph by explaining why the topic and examples matter in relation to the thesis.
In the conclusion, come back to the thesis and the chosen passage, and plug them into a broader context so their import and value beyond looking at this single video is clear to your reader.
Bradley
You chose a good concept
You chose a good concept "eye candy" from the chapter as a springboard to your analysis of the video. Give us more like: what does "eye candy" effect mean and give a quote from the book providing some background to the issue.
See if you can give more examples based on savvy list and tie each with your thesis more clear.
You have a good conclusion that challenges us to dissect an ad, you can also add some feeling of closure by connecting it with your thesis.
Good start!!
Introduction: You have the authors names, but I believe we were supposed to include the book title as well.
Essay Focus, Thesis, or Main Point: The thesis is there but it did not give me an expectation for the rest of the essay.
Conclusion: I liked how you stated that we can't vote for someone based on their hope/desire for change (we need to MAKE changes). It ties in with the introduction but include more about the importance of understanding and being able to dissect the deception present in political advertising.
Development of Ideas and/or Experiences: Once you develop your thesis your supporting paragraphs will relate back to it nicely.
Organization/Structure/Paragraphing: You used the Savvy Voter to dissect Obama's ad, and you provided examples to support the tactics you claimed were used in his ad.
Wording/Sentence Structure/Conventions: Looks good!
Adequacy of Response to Assignment: You picked a political ad, applied an idea from chapter three, and dissected the ad using the Savvy Voter criteria.
Overall, good start to essay number two! Just expand a little more in your supporting paragraphs. Really make the reader understand the importance of being able to recognize deception.
Introduction: Strong intro,
Introduction:
Strong intro, but just a few things off. You fail to mention the title of the book , or give us a direct quote.
Essay Focus, Thesis or Main point:
thesis is a little weak.
Body of essay:
Is a little short.
Conclusion:
ties in with the intro, but still seems a bit too brief.
Adequacy of response to assignment:
yes, it ties in with un-spun, the savvy article, and a political video as the assignment called for. You're on the right track with essay two, my only suggestions are just meaten it up more it just seems too light. More information.Also include the book information correctly in the intro.