Essay Draft #2

As the time for elections is getting closer, politicians get busy creating campaigns that persuade us to vote for them. We see potential candidates on the news and hear them on the radio trying to convince us that they have what it takes to be elected. Many use specific tactics to convince us that they have the keys to solve the issues that we hold most relevant in our lives. Politicians send carefully chosen messages that support our nations’ most important beliefs and ideas that are rooted deep in our hearts because they know that we humans have a tendency to reject any evidence that challenges our values. Jackson and Jamieson write in UnSpun: Finding Facts in a World of Disinformation that “content that agrees with our own views simply seems true and thus not very noteworthy, while material that counters our biases stands out in our minds and makes us look for a reason to reject it” (76). As we watch and listen to various aspects of John McCain’s campaign that was very carefully designed to bring out just the right emotions in us, we can see different persuasive tools that he uses to communicate his message that supports our own views and influences the viewer to give him the vote.
We need to learn to dissect an ad and become a savvy voter because ads communicate more than their verbal message; advertisers use common structural features to persuade us. While watching the McCain’s ad we see images that represent him as a hero half a world away being “shut down and tortured” for the love of his country. The images stir patriotic emotions in us and we feel that he is our hero and savior of our country. John McCain portrayed having a very strong character who has been in a war zone and was able to rise to higher ranks and even get into politics. He makes us feel proud and safe. When he is shown with other people being happy around him who are trying to shake his hand or clapping for him during his presentations, he is being recognized as our hero and a friend of all. Mythological features are used here to get us agree with whatever he is saying in his campaign and confirm to our own views.
The ad conveys a very powerful appeal to us. It starts by showing a “summer of love” half a century ago; a time of “uncertainty, hope and change”, while half a world away there is another kind of love of country shows John McCain as patriot. The beginning of the ad definitely appeals to older people and veterans of the war; it also touches certain emotions in us such as fear of war and some positive feelings such as pride and patriotism. The message of the ad is designed to speak to viewer’s emotions, John McCain says that he tackled “campaign reform, military reform, spending reform”, and that he believes that our world is dangerous and economy is shattered. This is exactly what the viewers want to hear! He also goes on and justifies himself when says that “he doesn’t tell what we hope to hear, beautiful words can’t make our lives better but a man who puts his country and his people before self and politics…”, by saying that he is conveying to us that he is not like other candidates and that he doesn’t just speak the words we want to hear but that he is real. These are catching words that were carefully chosen that persuade the viewer to believe that he is the one they need to vote for because he puts us before himself and is concerned for our well-being and that he agrees with our own concerns and will give us a better life.
Emotion-communicating faces are very vivid in the ad. Emotions are a very powerful tool in creating desired feelings in viewers. We see him as confident, passionate, and full of enthusiasm. The crowd accepts him with admiration, regular workers show him respect and he himself emits the feelings of security, peace and care for us all. Music in this ad is another very powerful emotional tool that is used to add to the feelings of the viewer. People pay little attention to the background music but it does influence our emotions and decisions we make. The music throughout the add has a calming and relaxing effect, it makes us feel that he can bring peace in our hectic world. The music changes its properties depending on the type of message being presented to us. It starts out by playing the music of 50s and 60 s and then moves to fiercely patriotic-sounding, then it turns into a very inspiring melody with more instruments added toward the end and increasing volume that moves our emotions and makes us believe that he is the one!
Every ad is created to appeal to every person living in the U.S., every structural feature is carefully chosen to reach as many people as possible. It is whoever does a better job in presenting himself to us wins; they know exactly what the public wants to hear so they choose such structural features that stir our emotions because they know “once emotions take over the logic doesn’t come into play” (74). We also usually hear only what we want to hear often taking mental shortcuts and if we hear information that counters our biases, we find all the reasons in the world to reject it. Politicians can say anything they want in their ads because of a free speech law that is protected by US Constitution. It is important for us citizens to look carefully at political campaigns and be able to recognize its deceptive tactics to avoid being trapped!

This was great. I did like

This was great. I did like your thesis, it was very well put and understood. It made the rest of the paper flow well. I did however, have one problem which was with the second paragraph. It was a little difficult for me to follow. It did not flow as easily and was a little much to take in all at once. I would have to agree with the person who said that you should perhaps break it up a bit. Overall, great job!

to lena

Overall the introduction does well, but lacks a few things, one of which is the title of the video you are looking at. Be sure to include that. Also, when introducing anyone in an essay, use their full name the first time and then last name after that. With McCain, it should be Senator John McCain and then just McCain. The thesis indicates that the essay and analysis will focus solely on candidate mythology, at least as the main focus. This is workable for the assignment.

When looking at appeals, there are two sorts to consider. One is the appeal he is making, as in his argument. It would seem to be that his love of country is different and better than the summer of love love of country the ad depicts. The second sort of appeal is what is considered logical fallacies, such as an appeal to normalcy, fear, greed or what have you. These are the appeals the savvy voter is more focused on. Be sure to make this clear in setting up the point. When writing that the ad appeals to older voters, this seems to be more about the audience in some ways. See if you can clarify that, make it focus more on notions of the appeal, or notions of the audience it appeals to. The irony of this point, at least in part, is that he is speaking words we want to hear, or at least others want to hear, so they can validate their dislike for Obama. This emotional appeal needs to be developed in the way described below. Don't just tell us that the images are from the so-called summer of love, describe those images, whether hippies dancing in the park or what have you.

The second point seems to start with emotion communicating faces, but then shifts to another point. Each of these is worthy of its paragraph. To more effectively develop each, using the emotion communicating faces as an example, provide some specific description of faces that communicate emotion. If it's an elderly veteran, describe that person and their look. Then explain how the emotion communicating faces help develop his candidate mythology as a savior and war hero. This will tie the information back to the thesis and provide greater unity and focus in the essay. It would be good to tie in the quote as well in looking back to the thesis.

The conclusion should both look back to the thesis and the quote. In essence, McCain is developing his candidate mythology in a way that reinforces our biases rather than informing us, or at least that's the way I would tie this together in the end. But make it clear also why this matters in the broader context of the life and elections.

Bradley

I think you did a great

I think you did a great job. Your thesis was well developed and I think it flowed with the rest of the paper

INTRO: Good narrowing to the

INTRO: Good narrowing to the thesis. I may be wrong, but I think we’re supposed to say Jackson and Jamieson’s full names on first mention.
DEVELOPMENT OF BODY PARAGRAPHS: Good topic sentences. Paragraph two; last sentence should say, “Mythological features are used here to get us to agree.”
In paragraph three, you say, “This is exactly what the viewers want to hear!” Perhaps you are being sarcastic, but it did not make sense the first time I read it. Now I understand you are referring to his reform ideas, but I had to reread for the message. Maybe the sentence could be rearranged.
In paragraph four, I would separate the discussion on music into another paragraph.
CONCLUSION: Sentence two needs a “who” before wins. Be careful of the “they” word. It has the irritating ability to not describe who/what we want it to.
ESSAY FOCUS: You mention Unspun in the intro, but don’t weave their ideas into your body. A few references would tie it together nicely.

Intro: Good Intro but you

Intro: Good Intro but you need to state what the name of the ad is.
Thesis/Main Point: Pretty Good

Conclusion: Good job, it's ties in nicely w/ your thesis.
Devel. of Ideas: The body of your essay does a good job corresponding w/ your thesis. All the points made about the love for this country and the war issue tie in nicely.

Organization: Your 2nd paragraph is a bit hard to follow, but I think its because it's long. Break it up into two, maybe at "The ad conveys a very powerful..."

Word structure: In 2nd parag., it says "Myth. features are used here to get us agree.." Put "to" after us. 2nd parag. this sounds funny, "while half a world away there is another kind of love of country shows John McCain as...." The "of country shows" seems off to me. Maybe re-word it.

Response to ass: Good job, you tied the book Un-spun and the Savvy voter.

Approp. topic:Good --Don't forget to list your cites at the bottom later on including your ad and a link to it. I'm assuming that you did this based off of the "love" ad but I'm not sure. Good job.

After the last sentence in

After the last sentence in the first paragraph I'm expecting you to jump right into the ways McCain's ad uses those tactics, is there any way you can rearrange it to maybe say

"While watching McCain's ad we can learn how to disect...."
Just a thought, doesn't mean it's right =)

Second paragraph "John McCain portrayed to have...."
I think if you put an "is" in there it would be clearer

Good Job!!!!!

Mary B

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