Manuel's essay #2 draft
Manuel Fonseca
Bleck
English 101
Essay #2
John He Is
Americans have voted forty three presidents into the white house (in one way or another). Another election year is upon us, and who will be our forty fourth president? And how will he get elected? One popular form of campaigning is the promotional video. Both candidates use them, but how are they effective? In Brooks Jackson and Kathleen Jamieson’s book Un-Spun Finding Facts in a World of Disinformation they examine this very question. They look at the psychology behind various tactics, and explain why they work. Jackson and Jamieson write “psychological experiments have show, for one thing, that humans tend to seek out even weak evidence to support their existing beliefs.” When the viewer watches a promotional video they try and gather information that supports what they already believe. This is what we must change, we as the voting public need to watch these videos with an open mind and check the facts for our selves, not falling into the traps set for us by the Politian’s think tank.
The anti John McCain ad John He Is portrays the presidential candidate as a crazy, unrealistic, war mongering old man. The ad is a spoof of the internet sensation Yes We Can which is an inspirational campaign ad for Barrack Obama. The ad plays on the negative mythologies that some believe about John McCain. McCain was a prisoner of war and many believe that if elected he will attack Iran and potentially many others for little or no reason. In the ad McCain is shown Saying “ bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran,” this is deceiving because we are not given the context of the clip, the viewer is just shown what they want them to see. McCain is also shown saying “It was a good idea,” the video add this when talking about the Iraq war, and it makes it seem like he is talking about the war when he could have been talking about putting in a baseball stadium. But because of the mythologies that are believed about the Senator our brains fill in the gaps for us.
In the video there are people singing along looking very inspired, and all of the sudden McCain say something “crazy” and their faces change and they question his statement. The video conveys its emotion through the background music which sets a very mellow mood for the viewer, and the people in the videos reactions to McCain’s statements. A mother and her child look very happy in the beginning, but when McCain say “we may be in Iraq for ten thousand years” she covers her child’s eyes. This brings out a fear response in Americans that the war in Iraq will never be over and that John McCain is ok with that. McCain also says that if we are in Iraq for ten thousand years “that’s fine with me,” the words “that’s fine with me” are written out in the video and one man grabs a paper bag and begins to breath in and out of it. This conveys the emotion through the facial reactions of the people that it may affect, and we can imagine what the repercussions of the statement would mean for us as Americans.
After seeing this video the viewer is left with mixed feelings, they may be laughing at first, and then they begin to think about what they have seen and heard, the words that have been highlighted in the video keep resonating in their head. The viewer then begins to overanalyze the video. Jackson and Jamieson write “another common psychological trap is that we tend to overanalyze from vivid, dramatic examples.” From the examples in the video they think about all of the wars that the United States would be in if McCain was elected, and how our soldiers would never come home. The person will draw conclusions based on what is important to them, and if they were a Barrack Supporter before their loyalty has just grown ten fold. What the viewer should do is watch the video over and try and figure out what points the ad is trying to get across. After doing that they should research the “fact” from the video and come to their own conclusion.
The largest problem with the ad is that it misleads the viewer. Instead of pointing out facts about John McCain’s political plans it relies on hypothetical’s and only shows clips and plays sound bites of what McCain really has to say on the issues. At the end of the ad in big bold words it says “good luck with that in November” implying that what they have just shown is all that McCain has to offer. The voters have to watch these videos for a source of information that will aid in making a very important decision. A vote can cause a war, save a life, and change the world. This is why it is important to view all that you can on each candidate, but after doing so it is vital to research the “facts” of the ad to check for your self what is the truth, because a vote is to important to waste on misleading information.
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You last sentence is very
You last sentence is very powerful and a great way to end your essay. I really like out you separted out you information and made the paragraph flow together well. I especially like your third paragraph which grabs hole of the readers emotion by staing the how the obvious can be missed. The only thing I can add is that maybe you could address a few more subjects on the PBS ad list and make your point even more solid. Good Job!
Intro was good, but the thesis could be a tad stronger. And your conclusion needs to tie into the thesis.
very good job
Leslie Whigham
that was really good overall it gave the readers the good and the right information that need to hear. the only weak part i think is the conclusion. i dont like how u started it with another claim. the conclusion means you are done with the body of the essay so dont go on explaining your point. but out of all the essays i liked yours best it was good overall
to manuel
Manuel,
Overall, a good introduction with a couple of points to address. First, there is one comma splice. See if you can find it and correct it. That's a minor concern, but one you'll want to keep focusing on. Another fairly minor concern is the need to provide the page number following the passage from the book. The most important of the concerns is the need for a more focused thesis, one that makes it clear what of interest or importance is at stake. Why is it of interest or importance, in the context of the video, that we don't fall into the trap the producers of the video have lain for us? Make that clear and there will be more of a context in which to explain the importance of each point in the essay/analysis.
With the body of the essay, there is a need for more systematic paragraph development. In looking at the first paragraph, it seems to be about candidate mythology. What needs to be spelled out to the reader is that candidate mythology is an important element in campaign videos, and one of those mythologies is the war hero. However, and you'll need to point this out in similarly plain and blunt language, this is a spoof on the war hero, making him a war monger. Then give the specifics of how that's done and then explain why that matters in relation to the chosen quote and the essay's thesis. The present paragraph has some of these elements, so it's partly a need to be more specific with some of them and to include/emphasize those that are absent or less apparent.
The conclusion needs to do a better job of coming back to the introduction, to the quote and to the thesis (that needs clarifying first) in order to drive home its importance. It's headed in the right direction, the conclusion that is, but with a clearer context established by the thesis and more focused explanation and analysis occurring with each point, it can do a better job still of making it clear to your reader why they should care about such an approach to campaign videos.
Bradley
Introduction: Your
Introduction: Your introduction draws me in and makes me want to know more about the psychology of deception. You included both of the authors, title of their text, and a direct quote from the book.
Essay Focus, Thesis, or Main Point: Thesis is good, it gives me and idea of what the body of the essay maintains.
Conclusion: Relate it back to your idea in the introduction that people seek out information which supports what they believe while discarding the rest. Overall, I like your conclusion because it makes me care about deception in advertising and how I can protect myself from it.
Development of Ideas and/or Experiences: You developed the supporting paragraphs well, and they all relate back to your thesis.
Organization/Structure/Paragraphing: I'm not sure if you used the Savvy Voter criteria to evaluate your political ad (I got the mythologies). Please correct me if I am wrong. Other than that, paragraphs flow nicely and all relate back to the claims of the thesis.
Adequacy of Response to Assignment: Not sure about the Savvy Voter critieria, but you chose a political ad and related it back to an idea from chapter four.
INTRO: You did a good job
INTRO: You did a good job narrowing and drawing in the book Unspun. Numbers such as forty-three are hyphenated.
DEVELOPMENT OF BODY PARAGRAPHS: They are stated clearly. I think the woman covering her child’s eyes might also refer to her desire to protect her child from war. Page numbers from Unspun should be cited.
CONCLUSION: This is also very clearly written. Your statement regarding the importance of a single vote is an excellent concluding line.
I hope this helps
I would add a word to "after seeing this video the viewer is left with mixed feelings"
Maybe add to the sentence "after seeing this video the viewer may be left with..."
That way your not stating what they're feeling without really knowing. Ya Know?
The last paragraph seems like any other of the paragraphs so I might make your conclusion more noticeable, maybe by separating it? I don't know....
I thought you did a really good job!
Mary B