Revised essay one is due by midnight, Tuesday. Wednesday midnight is the due date for the second essay. Both the revised first essay and second essay for grading should be submitted as email attachments, using .rft, .doc or Open Office format, which I forget the extension, maybe .odt. The major concern with a number of the responses is they are not using the rubric provided. If you don't use that rubric, you won't be thinking about the manner in which I'll be evaluating, responding to, and grading your essay when that time comes. There's a purpose to having you read and respond to the major concerns I'll be addressing. It's because they are important to effective essays and writing. Please follow the directions for the response and you'll learn more and end up writing a bit better in the long run.

To the best of my knowledge, I've read each of the draft video analysis, assignment two, essays that have been submitted. If I've missed yours, let me know. I'll check again in the morning before I have to take care of some obligations. Even if you don't have an essay submitted for response at this point, it will be accepted for grading.

Here are the two major concerns that apply pretty much across the board:

Number one is the need for a clear thesis. The thesis should make a claim about the video based on whatever the chosen passage from Unspun says. The thesis should make clear what is at stake in the analysis of the video, why the analytical claim is of interest or importance to a reader of the essay. Quite often you can look to the last sentence of your essay and find this. That requires moving that sentence to the thesis position--the last sentence of the introduction--and revising from there. I suggested this specifically to several of you. It just so happens that student writers often finally get their bearings as they finish the essay and state the main point quite well. This "writing to learn" can be taken advantage of in the revising of the essay. Please do.

The number two concern is paragraph focus, development and integrity. Basically, that means this: provide your reader a topic statement (One of the more important elements of any campaign video is the candidate mythology it works to construct.), some explanation as to why the topic (candidate mythology in this example) matters (Candidates work hard to create a sense of themselves that voters can accept or buy into so they can feel good about casting their vote for a human being, not just a politician.), an example or two or three to illustrate the topic (John McCain relies heavily on the candidate mythology of his being a war hero. He does this primarily by repeatedly showing images of his younger self standing beside his Vietnam-era F4 Phantom (I'm just guessing at what sort of jet he flew, but this was a common Navy jet) fighter jet and images of his time as a POW in the notorious Hanoi Hilton prison camp.) and some explanation as to why this matters. (While there is no doubt McCain is a war hero for having nobly endured his captivity, if nothing else, the problem is that being a war hero does not necessarily qualify someone to be Commander-in-Chief. War heroes have had mixed success as President, whether it's Andrew Jackson's heavy-handed marching of American Indians across the country in the "trail of tears" or Dwight Eisenhower's building the interstate highway system, being a war hero is no guarantee of great leadership. In this respect, the constructed mythology is not a reliable indicator of future performance by any elected official, the president among them.

Do something along these lines with each of your paragraphs and they will be effectively focused and developed and they will have integrity by being focused on one idea that is well developed. As always, let me know if you have questions about this or my particular comments on your essay.