Music Education - Rough Draft
The aspect of music education has been taken lightly over the recent years and its application in our everyday lives has been tragically underestimated. In chapter four of On Liberty John Stuart Mill asks “where does the authority of society begin?” (85) With budget cuts in education funding and the “back to basics” movement which education reform calls for a return to basic subjects such as reading, math and science is in fact a detriment to the overall education and the improvement of our current and future generations. In this essay we will explore how music can, and has been, used in several subjects to help sharpen the focus, memory and overall brain function.
While music is based mainly on mathematics to create an organized structure, repeating patterns and changes in tempo it also shows the potential of teaching us proper grammar and spelling while structuring lyrics. Music has also been used to enhance memory in the subjects of Geography with songs such as the “50 State and Capitals” by Tim Pacific and “Directions to Nowhere” by Joan Maute which teaching you map reading basics. Even in History and Patriotism have used the song “America the Beautiful” by Katherine Lee Bates and choirmaster Samuel A. Ward (song information). Even as an interested listener one can gain experience in social interactions and better communication skills in the subject of Music History; Music Theory teaches organizational structure and provides different means of interpretation and fresh perspective by opening the mind to that of creativity, inspiration and innovation.
Studies conducted by the International Foundation for Music Research, American Music conference and the VH1 Save the Music Foundation show those students, who participated in learning music fundamentals or learned to sing or play an instrument, scored significantly higher in standardized tests than students who bypassed music education. Studies conducted by various colleges and universities also show students who participated in learning the foundations for music creation scored higher on SAT tests. The American Music Conference states “Students who were exposed to the music-based lessons also scored a full 100 percent higher on fractions tests than those who learned in the conventional manner” (AMC – Research Briefs). Those who play instruments will generally show a higher aptitude towards more complex subjects such as Math and Science while more meticulous students who learn the practices of a classic composers such as Frederick Chopin, Johanne Sebastian Bach and Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart tend to have better grasps on concepts such as structure, organization and utilization than most people.
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music education
I'm guessing that you know there's a good bit of work yet to do. What I'd like to see, based on what is here, is a thesis that argues something such as "music should be funded as an integral part of basic education." We don't want to just explore with the essay, but to argue a point. Just add what I've written to the sentence at the end of the thesis, tweak it a little, and you should have a solid thesis. I think the intro would also benefit from more background, something to put a human face on the issue, a story of some school that revived academics by including more music, something of that sort.
You might also consider breaking the points of the first paragraph into separate paragraphs. I'm sure there is a good bit of information to offer about how music helps with mathematical skills development. That's worth an essay on its own really, given the overall concerns with math education. That music can be used as a mnemonic tool, aiding memory, is also worth a paragraph of its own, at the very least. Same with the raising of test scores, which would seem to reasonably follow from the first two--better math and better memory skills.
When it comes to sources, see about using less biased sources. The AMC Research Brief, however accurate, is self-serving and because of that open to extra criticism. If you find some learning theory scholarship, or something along those lines, material from someone who has no stake in the discussion beyond the academic, then we can put more weight on their argument and evidence, making for a stronger argument overall.
As for the opposing view and its refutation/rebuttal, I don't know for sure what I'd look at, other than the cost, perhaps a shortage of qualified teachers, something along those lines. Bradley
Introduction - i think you
Introduction - i think you have a great start to your essay here. Maybe elaborate a little more on why music education is important to our minds but I think you raise a very valid point.
Essay focus - your essay stays focused on the point of music education and you make a great argument to why it is important
Organization, structure and/or paragraphing - All good topic sentences and examples to back up your argument
Wording - very easy to understand, the only problem I had was with this sentence: "...'Directions to Nowhere' by Joan Maute which teaching you map reading basics." Its a little confusing, I know what you're trying to say but i would change it
Adequecy of response to assignment - i think you have a relly great start to a really great essay, missing a few of the Aristotelian format paragraphs i.e. the merits of the opposing view and your rebuttal to it. But otherwise, good job.
Matt responce
Introduction:
Pretty good introduction, maybe try to flesh it out a little more. Also you could try to make a more clear connection between your quote and the topic. Otherwise it does a good job of opening up the essay and introducing the thesis.
Essay Focus, Thesis or Main point:
The focus isn't bad, although the topic statements of the paragraphs could be clearer. Also, there is never a point where you bring the opposing views in to be refuted, so you should definately add that. You could also do with a stronger conclusion.
Development of ideas and/or experiances:
This was really good. You have information for all your main points and good citations. All you need is a rebutle of opposing views and maybe more of a thesis statement.
Organization, structure and/or paragraphing:
This was good. You have citations and examples for every you wrote and good paragraph structure.
Wording, Sentence Structure and Conventions of Standard American English:
Everything looks good here. Your sentences read well outloud and I didn't notice any grammatical errors.
Adequacy of responce to assignment:
Good responce to the assignment, you make a clear arguement based on a good topic.
Appropriateness of topic treatment for a college reading audience.
All good here. Your topic is interesting and the treatment of it is good too. Maybe just more information (1000-1200 words ;))