Overall the essay is a great start. I watched the video in between reading your essay and writing this. I saw the video basically how you described it, so good job. The one element from the video you might wanna focus on a little more is the last 10 seconds which is the red writing. My main suggestion would be to keep developing what you have. Here are some notes to consider on the categories according to the rubric:

Introduction: You could probably make it a little more powerful by making it a little more concise. Maybe carry some of the information in it on to the body of the paragraph. It's developing, it just needs some time to work out. Great job relating the jungle and working it with your essay. 2.

Essay Focus, Thesis or Main point: I would say that your main point is the last sentence of the intro: "This video appeals to the emotions of the viewer, in an attempt to pull their heartstrings and make them aware of the reality of what was happening to these children, in hopes to teach them a little more about their history and show them how far we have come." 3.

Conclusion: Same as the intro, and be confident in what you are saying and the points you are making. 2.

Development of Ideas and/or Experiences: Good. Maybe work a story in. Hard topic to have experienced though in America. 3.

Organization, structure and/or paragraphing: Good. Keep developing it. 3.

Wording and Sentence Structure: The one word I had trouble with was "super" because I have never used it that way. Otherwise it was good. 3.

Conventions of Standard American English: I wasn't sure about some of the quotation marks, maybe look into those. 3.

Adequacy of response to assignment: Good. 3.

Appropriateness of topic treatment for college reading audience: Maybe find a tie-in to what college-age Americans can do about it. What can we learn from the past. 3.

Intro-I think your intro is very good. the only thing i was unsure of was where your thesis was. Put that in and your set. 3

Essay focus- your focus is pretty clear. You focus in child labor and how young children should nnot be doing this kind of work. I think you could put in maybe one quote from the book. I think its a 3 though.

-Conclusion- Your concli=usion is good. It really drives the point home and i think that it connects well. Just clear up your thesis and it will be good. 3

-developement of ideas- Your ideas are developed well. You draw on the video but could draw on the book a little more. 3

Orginazation-You have all of the elements requires to make your essay good. It flows well and has good srtucture. Maybe a few moer specific examples.

Wording/sentence structure- Sentences make sense and the words are good. Could throw in a few larger ones but it flows well. The essay is really easy to read and is interesting.

Conventions- No spelling errors i could see, capitolize the.

Adecuecy of response-You explain the elements used in the video, so it makes sense to the reader without watching it.

-topic- The topic is apprppriate to all of us because we are younger and didnt have to work, thankfully. It keeps us interested for sure.