SAVANNAH SPRINGER SHOW
S: Welcome everyone, thanks for coming to the show. Today we’re discussing the new Soap Opera “Hall”, and here to join us is the cast. Let’s welcome Mrs. Hall, Hyacinth Ellet, Ruth Hall and Ruth’s youngest daughter, Nettie.
(Applause)
S: Mrs. Hall, can you tell the audience how you feel about filming the new show?
Mrs: Infuriated, my manager won’t listen to me! I don’t want to share my lime light with that simpleton.
S: Ruth, do you have anything to say about this?
R: I just want everyone to put their differences aside and act mature.
N: Yes act mature! (with arms crossed looking at Mrs. Hall)
S: Ha ok Nettie. So Hyacinth, with writing experience under your belt with the Irving Magazine do you think you’ll be editing or adding to the script?
H: Of course, I could do it better than anyone else could possibly hope to do.
Mrs: I admit that your magazine is highly respectable but surely you would write only about yourself and not about the wise people that truly matter.
S: I see we have some strife going on; what kind of frustrations are we facing?
N: Bad ones.
Mrs: Oh shut up you little twit! Nothing was as frustrating as raising that hellion you call a sister.
(Nettie clenches fists)
S: What are you holding back Nettie?
N: Well, you won’t love me mamma, but I want to cut off grandma’s head!
H: That’s just like you Ruth, to raise a child with no respect for her elders.
N: This is ridiculous! (storms off, comes back as security guard)
S: Oh dear, Nettie seems pretty upset. Ruth is it true that Nettie doesn’t respect her elders?
R: I don’t think she should have to respect a woman who is so cantankerous.
S: Harsh words from such a reserved woman.
Mrs: A reserved woman! Do you know how she’s making her money? I wouldn’t believe a word that little coquette says.
R: Excuse me! I’m a popular journalist and author who earns an honest living.
S: This debate is getting heated; we should probably call in some security. Rico!
(in walks Marisa with arms crossed looking tough)
H: Stop this nonsense Ruth, do it for me, think of all the things I’ve done for you. Don’t ruin the reputation I helped you obtain!
R: You never helped me a single day in your life, I did this all myself by hard work.
Mrs: I can’t believe how ungrateful you are! I let you live in my house, gave you plenty of funds, and tried to raise your savage child to be a proper woman.
R: You gave me pennies and you kidnapped my daughter!
(both stand up with Marisa in between)
S: Okay ladies, let’s cool down. (Ruth sits, Mrs. Hall sizes up “Rico” and reluctantly sits. Ladies glare at each other) Hyacinth, let’s hear some more from you. Did you expect Ruth to go so far as a journalist?
H: I’ve always had faith in my sister, after all I taught her all she learned.
S: So why didn’t you publish her in your Magazine?
H: Well… uh… that’s a good question Ms. Springer.
R: He didn’t publish me because he believed I had no talent. Most consider that a lack of faith, brother.
Mrs.: He was right, you DON’T have talent. Not a day with my son taught you a thing about life, let alone how to portray it in writing.
R: You’re just bitter that Harry loved his wife and children more than he ever loved you and his father!
Mrs.: I am bitter that you killed my son!
R: Monster! How dare you say that!
(Marisa, clear throat in some sort of manly way)
S: Enough! Let’s take a break to show the audience a few scenes to look forward to in the new Soap Opera.
(Movie/show preview? Characters enter after media ends)
Mrs: Let me remind all of you, this show is about ME. That preview did not do the soap opera justice.
S: Right… Ruth, some of our members back stage were wondering, what are your plans after the show?
R: Well, I hope to write a biographical novel about my life.
S: Brilliant, I’m sure readers will enjoy it for generations.
R: As do I.
H: My magazine will be helping publish it. (Wide smile)
R: No it won’t.
H: Yes it will. (Keep on smiling)
R: No, it really won’t.
S: Let’s switch things up a bit. Let’s have everyone say something nice about each other, end our episode on some sort of happy note. Mmmkay?
Mrs: Don’t look at me, I refuse to go first.
R: Well… Mrs. Hall… your, uh… your hair is nice… And Hyacinth, you have a wide vocabulary.
H: Ruth, you’ve done well at acting as smart as me. Mrs. Hall… well, your hair is indeed quite nice.
Mrs: I see you two had very “thoughtful” comments. I have nothing to say.
S: Mrs. Hall, anything…
Mrs: No you twit! If I say I have nothing to say that means I have nothing to say! “Nice hair,” imbeciles never taught how to say a single kind word. Disgusting youth…
S: Well, that’s all the time we have today. Next week we have the characters of Wuthering Heights, where a paternity test will show who Cathy’s true father is. Let’s give the cast of “Hall” a round of applause!